


Ghost

by lilliasan



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Anime, F/M, Manga, Originally from QuoteV, Reader Insert, Sakata Gintoki/Reader - Freeform, Yoshida Shouyou/Reader, because no one has done one for Shoyo/Utsuro so here I go, slight - Freeform, we angsty tonight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 23:28:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16147799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilliasan/pseuds/lilliasan
Summary: The haunting of the past comes back to torment but I will face it head on and tell you the words I never had a chance to say.





	Ghost

        The shattering of the black mask from his lower face fell to the ground, clattering as it hit its surface.  [Color] strands of hair fell over your bruised and bloodied face from the previous battle with the crow that stood before Gintoki who ultimately made it in time to save Nobume, who was in a brawl with that immoral entity.  You were crushed against the rubble of the hill’s rocks, your legs laid sprawled out as one was propped up and your arms tiredly stayed still by your sides.  You managed to muster up the strength to peer your injured head up at the silver haired man only to falter as your gaze landed onto the sandy haired man, the sadistic and malicious villain that stunned not only Gintoki with an oh so familiar beautiful and bright smile from ancient memories, but also you.  
        “Once again,” he spoke—his chilling, soothing voice made every fiber in your being internally scream out, your insides begging to be spilled along with the pounding in your head.  Your eyes shot wide, voice hitched, breathing had ceased and your mind went blank in that instant.  Faces from long gone memories resurfaced along with soft and gentle nostalgic touches that were against your own skin.  A hand that you once held and lost, a smile and voice you once craved.  A man that haunted you in your dreams and own being had came crawling back from the grave to dig himself back into your thoughts.  Into your life.  
        If your legs could listen to you in response, you’d run as fast as possible from this nightmare.  You didn’t want to believe it.  You couldn’t.  It seemed too unreal for you to fathom.  
        _“Your sword still can’t reach me.”_  
  
        “Excuse me, miss,” you jumped from behind the tree where you peaked from, “did you need something?”  You swore you could fill up an entire bathtub from how much you were sweating in that instant from being caught.  “U-uh, um, no I’m good I just—I-I, uh—I heard there was a new school around this area that gave free education to kids so, mm, I was curious...?”  You answered honestly, hoping he didn’t find you suspicious.  His warm smile made you step out more from where you stood, facing him completely.  “You’ve heard correct, dear, I am the one who runs the place.  I teach anyone who is in the need of help of their education and who can not afford it.”  
        “You don’t care about being paid to do so?”  You questioned, tilting you head at him.  
        “There’s no need.  I don’t care much of being received back of the same amount.  Giving kindness is what matters most in this world, especially things that are free.  You don’t always need money to be happy.  Even the little things matter.”  His words struck you like lightening, it gave you some type of light in this world that ran on hatred and money hungry people.  You believed he was more than a some teacher but a philosopher.  You were so drawn to him that you wanted to know more about him as a whole or how he got here and why.  
        “You’re absolutely right,” you agreed.  “This world’s lost sight of what matters most and there aren’t many left who know what really matters and aren’t clouded by hatred or greed.  I’m glad you’re one of them,” you confessed, “there needs to be more people like you.”  He chuckled at your choice of words, “sounds like a nightmare if there was.”  You decided to take that as a joke yet oddly he sounded serious in a way.  “May I ask of your name?”  He asked with curiosity and fascination.  “[Full Name], and yours?”  
        “Shoyo Yoshida.”  
  
        “You’ve been coming by a lot lately, have you taken a liking to me perhaps?”  Shoyo asked as he watched you nibble on a piece of your favorite pastry.  You both sat in front of the school keeping a watch on the students who were playing during their free time.  “Nah,” you scoffed, looking away as a blush grew on your face.  “I like the free food here, not you.”  He patted your thigh while letting out a soft chuckle, “and here I thought we could be friends.  But fret not, the children have grown on you.  Especially Gintoki over there, he appreciates you bringing him strawberry milk.  Shinsuke also loves the Yakult and Kotaro very much enjoys your homemade rice balls.  It’s very much a pleasure to have you around, it makes the place livelier.”  
        You hummed, grinning as you decided to poke him on his bicep.  “Awe, is this old man the one who is taking a liking to _me_?”  He frowned at your comment.  “Old man...”  
        “How old are you anyway?”  
        “Much older than you think.  I could be five hundred years old.”  You raised an eyebrow at him, “you’ve gotta be joking.”  He let out another chuckle and patted you on the back.  “I’m kidding.”  
  
        “[Name].”  You looked up from your JUMP magazine from where you sat on the ground of the dojo, eyeing Shoyo as he was standing next to you, watching his students’ move carefully of the way they presented themselves in training.  “Whatever happens to me, please take care of those three.  I don’t want anything bad having to happen to all of you.  Especially you.”  His facial expression was that of searching for salvation, filled with uneasiness and disconsolation.  It worried you of what could be bothering him and what was going on in his mind.  
        “Shoyo...?”  You whispered, watching as his face turned more sour.  
  
        “[Name],” called out a voice, “did you come to visit me again?”  You gave him a heartfelt laugh and shook your head at him.  “Am I not allowed to see you?”  You asked him as he made his way towards you from within inside the school’s dojo.  You watched as the children sparred against one another, particularly Shinsuke and Gintoki at it again.  “I wouldn’t say that.”  He stopped in front of you with his arms crossed against his chest, smiling at your playfulness.  “I was about to get started on making everyone a snack, would you be a dear and help poor little ol me out?”  
        “I’m a snack.”  You blurted out jokingly to which a hint of pink tinted on his cheeks and he let out a chuckle, shaking his head at you then sent you a smirk.  He brought a hand up to pat you on the head and ruffle your hair due to the height difference and his love of teasing you.  “Of course you are.”  You pouted at his actions and swatted his hand away to prevent him from ruining your hair much further.  “Ah, Miss [Name]!”  A dark haired boy shouted out as he run over to you with a smile plastered on his lips.  “You’re back!  Did you come to stop by for a while?”  
        “Of course,” you gently poked his nose.  “I came to see my little boys.  I hope you’re doing well, Kotaro.”  His smile widen at your gesture and nodded.  You grinned as you saw two other familiar faces come by to your side, greeting them as they lightened up at your arrival.  
        “Oi, are you going to practice with me today?”  Gintoki had asked, giving you a look of boredom.  “I will, and I’m going to beat you!”  You gave him a triumphed reply to which he denied saying he was going to win.  “All righty then—Gintoki, Shinsuke, Kotaro, you three want to help me and your old man with some rice balls for everyone?”  
        “All right!”  Gintoki cheered.  “As long as I don’t get to work with him I’m fine by it,” Shinsuke looked away from the silver haired boy, having a small pout on his face.  “What was that, Bakasugi?!”  You scoffed and laughed at their bickering but Katsura groaned at it.  Shoyo sighed at the four only to smile and land his eyes at you.  This was perfect.  This feeling, the atmosphere and image played before him.  It was all too perfect and he loved every bit of it.  He was going to savor every moment.  
  
        Your grip tightened around Gintoki and Shinsuke’s hand as Kotaro followed behind.  You couldn’t look back.  You didn’t want to.  You knew if you did you’d most likely lose it but you had to stay strong for them.  At the very moment, you had to throw away your thoughts of him and focus on the kids and on running.  You took one last glance at Shoka Sonjuku that was up in flames.  You sucked in a breath, closed your eyes, opened them again and looked at the three children beside you with looks of terror and shock etched into their faces.  Kotaro and Shinsuke were on the brink of tears as for Gintoki, he did the best to stay calm.  
        His eyes narrowed and for a split second he freed himself from your grasp only to take hold of your hand into his, jogging faster in front of you to lead the way.  He could feel your emotions wavering around and felt as though he was the one who had to be stronger for all of you right now.  He knew you were just as heartbroken, if not, worse.  You watched his back as his feet stomped against the pavement, his hand never letting go of yours.  Your lips trembled, your eyes shaking and closing halfway.  You clutched tightly back at his hand and closed your eyes to prevent tears from escaping.  Thank you.  
  
        Hands behind your back, entire torso tied along with arms, front body planted down on the ground and heavy breaths seeping past your lips as tears built up around the corners on your eyes.  You struggled in your bindings as you watched the scene unfold before you.  The sound of Shinsuke begging Gintoki to stop his regrettable actions that were about to occur sent your mind to break the instant his blade sliced through like butter on Shoyo’s neck.  
        You couldn’t see.  You couldn’t breathe.  The only thing you could fathom was the rawness of your throat as you banged your head against the earth while on your knees.  You began to register that the echoing of a voice was yours.  A voice that screamed in agony and absolute despair of the loss of a loved one before your eyes.  But it was a love far greater than what you’ve held for others.  A love for a man you looked up to, a love for a man you appreciated, a love for a man you cared about, a love for a man you had fallen for.  Your body couldn’t stop quivering as well as the continuous cries that wove through your vocal chords.  Even in the present day it all came crashing down on you.  The same feelings and actions came back from that same, wretched day.  How your mind went blank, how melancholy you felt and the undying heartache.  You despised it so much.  You despised whomever this man was that wore the same face and held the same voice and same smile as your loved one.  
        The exclamation from Kagura calling out Gintoki’s name also took him out of his thoughts as he and Sougo successfully held the mysterious man at bay with a swing of their swords.  “Sho...yo...”  You painfully called out, your brain trying its best to figure out who he was, why he was here and why he shared the same face as him.  The last thing you saw were cold, empty, dark eyes that bore into your own.  The moment you awoke was in your own bed as Gintoki sat next to you.  He told you everything that happened when you were asleep.  He told you of Utsuro and the Shinsengumi leaving.  You tried to digest everything he said of how the man wasn’t Shoyo for he was Utsuro, an immortal being split personality who was the one who figuratively and literally killed Shoyo.  
        “I...” you managed to find your voice, nearly choking on your own spit.  “I need to be alone...please, Gintoki...” you practically begged.  He gave you an understanding look, nodding at you and got up to leave.  He knew you weren’t in any condition to process anything properly at the moment.  He knew of your feelings for who used to be Shoyo so seeing Utsuro and hearing the information must’ve took a toll on you.  After a minute of silence you weakly brought up your hands to cover your face only to slide them back down laying your bandaged forearm to cover your mouth, finally letting your tears flow down.  
        You’ve always wondered that if reincarnation existed, you’d wish to see him again.  But not like this.  Not in the form of some wild beast that you feared who gave off the most deadliest aura ever to exist to man.  Just once more you got to see that smile and hear that voice that you’ve always yearned for.  But he wasn’t Shoyo—no, Shoyo would have never laid a finger on you out of spite.  Yet when you saw him stare at you during the first encounter he looked as though he seemed to recognize you and hesitant at first to strike you.  
        You wiped away your tears and rolled over to your side, pulling the blanket higher up to your chin.  You didn’t really like to reminisce about the past for it always made you feel empty yet some sort of comfort along the way.  After the fall of Shoka Sonjuku, you swore on your word to hold onto the memories and lessons he taught you, never to let them go.  You locked them away with care in your heart to stand next those you held precious while living true to yourself.  
  
        Pointing your rugged sword at Utsuro you watched as he leaned over, hunch back and clenching the wound on his stomach from the attack you, Gintoki, Kagura, Shinpachi, Nobume and the Shinsengumi members gave him.  In some way, shape, or form you were going to help stop this nonsense of a war that was built off of this man’s undying hatred for this world.  You don’t fully understand what he’s gone through to go to such lengths to destroy this planet.  “You’re not wrong, you know,” you agreed with him which he gave you a questioning look.  “This world is vast in its own way of a decaying reality within its selfish needs and cruelty.  There maybe no way of fixing it, but it’s not Earth itself that is the problem.  Earth does not create us, we are the ones who forge the path we walk on this planet.  It is within our nature to live off of greed for we are greedy the moment we are born.  We want things and that’s normal yet there are others who take it to an extreme.  That is where we draw the line of defining someone greedy.”  
        You gripped the handle of your sword tighter as you gnawed on your bottom lip.  “And sometimes it’s okay to be greedy.  You want things you can’t have especially when you know you can’t ever have them back.”  For a second your mind thought of Shoyo when you looked at Utsuro’s face.  Yes, he had his face and you knew somewhere deep down Shoyo was listening.  He was trapped within that beast who he fought hard to keep at bay.  You took in a deep breath, deciding carefully on your words.  “Because that’s what you taught me.  You told me it was all right to have some form of greed as long as we don’t lose sight of ourselves.  It’s because of your thoughtful words is why I am still here today, still breathing, along side by side with those I hold dear.  The words you gave to me,” you brought your hand to rest upon the center of your chest, “they are here stored within me, even now, kept with care and sincerity.  Each day they add more strength to my being and to those around me who may need guidance just as you did with me.”  The corners of your lips formed into a gentle smile, “and for that I am forever grateful.”  
        His dark, red eyes that meticulously peered into your own struggled to read your mind.  “Do not speak to me as though I am still Shoyo, for you are greatly mistaken.  What are you trying to accomplish?”  
        “You’re right, you aren’t Shoyo,” you brought your hand back down to your side.  “Therefore, I wasn’t speaking to you.”  His eyes widen with a gasp leaving his lips out of surprise and shock.  “I was talking to Shoyo.  You’re just a split personality of him, and I know he’s still in there listening.  I want him to hear me.  I want him to know that I...”  You stopped for while to correct yourself from letting it slip out.  “I wanted to say...thank you.”  Utsuro narrowed his eyes at you out of annoyance.  What is this overwhelming feeling inside him?  Happiness?  Sadness?  Was this him or was it Shoyo screaming from within?  He couldn’t comprehend the answer to this for it made him want to gag.  It was too much.  “Listen,” you started, “you and I are quiet the same.  We walked on this planet cursing those along the way for what we’ve lost and tried to get back.  We hate of how twisted this reality is.  But within that reality there are still some good things.  Because here, on this earth, I found them again when I was by his side.  That is why I can’t let you go any further on destroying this world that I love.  The world where I found people I could consider family and call home.  The world where I found a man who gave me meaning—a man I fell in love with.”  His heart ached and it hurt so terribly bad that he wanted to rip it out of his chest.  He couldn’t understand why he was feeling this way.  Utsuro couldn’t figure out the problem of his mental state right now of what was picking at him.  Those words made his heart throb and his mind run wild.  He had to resist it.  He had to.  
        He gazed over at those who have fallen, and one last good look at the woman before him.  He grinned as he took a step back closer to the hole of the altana’s neon, green light that shined.  “There is nobody who can save you all anymore,” he took another step.  Your eyes widen knowing of what was going to happen and you froze, your grip on your sword loosened as it fell to the ground.  “One day you will truly understand, Shoyo’s disciple.  You couldn’t save Shoyo.  No one can save your teacher anymore.”  With that your mind screamed, your heart was racing and so did your feet.  You blindly decided to reach out your hand towards him as he slowly decided to fall back.  You wanted to grasp onto the man and never let go, you were so close to grab at his shoulders but before you could, Utsuro gave you a sullen look as he pushed you back from your idiocy of wanting to reach for him and possibly fall with him.  You trembled at his next words as he smiled at you.  That damned nostalgic smile.  “I’m proud of you, [Name].”  
        Why did it always have to end like this?  Always losing him and not being on time to take a hold of him?  You went down on your knees as you watched him fall, and with that you let out a forlorn cry.  
  
  
◇◇◇  
  
**_Some days I wish I could wake up from this nightmare only to be in your arms once more.  I was always running, searching to grasp hold of what once remained.  Yet within this town that never seems to change, I will keep you in my memories and within my heart cherishing everything we’ve shared.  Although it hurts, I thank you._**


End file.
